? When I think about the story she told me
about that I don’t even wanna hurt the guy. I don’t
know if I could meet that person and act normal.
I remember I did that when I was about 20,21.
I didn’t go into CVS with Xunaxi to buy Plan B.
What a bastard I was. And
//
ith what courses I take.Luckily I can only take two (!!!). Maybe a lit course
and…an elective? It’d be SO cool to do screen-
writing. Finally would have a chance to write that
SciFi…I ordered “The Art of Syntax” after Phebe
brought it over. I honestly get so self-conscious talking
with her about sentence-level stuff. She’s so smart and
her recall is so good (regardless of what she says re: her
//
I want to sleep in a crappy hotel and make
jokes hold her after we kill a pint of ice cream.
something feels right about her, about the way I feel
around her. I want her attention. I want her to
pay attention to me. She does! but I don’t know it’s
different when you’re with what. I have a
hard time with imagining her with her ex, though they’re
//
I feel like fragments could be a part of
my work/thesis. It’d be cool to take a finished
poem of mine, print copies, and do some Christian
Hawkey-type process with it/them. The 19th and 20th
days had that feel to them because I tore a bit
from the top of the page, forcing me to write around
the tear. Now, if I had a finished poem, and shot
it with a gun, or let an animal chew on I, or
let a human chew on it even, the parts that survive
//arrative time no time
feeling of the trout throat closing odd breathing
but accepting that I have limits I deserve to feel
OK, to take a break I’m OK I’m doing everything
//
I’m afraid of telling her how strong my feelings are
I think it wise to simply show her and not ask about
sex for a few more months.
She said we’re dating and that makes me feel
secure.
//
Canal
a cane smoothed
orchard
backlogged
beggar
concrete
daisy a conquest
//
not together I guess I’m having a hard time NOT
imagining them together. How could he treat her
that way? I mean no relationship is a cakewalk
but like how could someone tell a woman they’ve
been with for over a year that they’d rather
keep driving and make it (home?) on time than
stop for a tampon, to let the woman you supposedly
love (did he even tell her?) that you’d rather her sit
in her own blood, in discomfort and shame than
do everything in your power to relieve her? to actually
act? to perform an act of humanity? of care?
concern
//
subcultural history. I feel like (and I’m probs
stating the obvious) that the niches of already niche
are erased by the dominant cultural narrative/
the narrative(s) that are hoisted up by capitalist/
supremacist ideals and/or organizations. I can’t
write organization without thinking about grant writing
//
I can, I’m doing a lot. Teaching is a lot. I’m
going to apply for the fellowship. It’s not that I
don’t want to teach, I just want time to
focus on my work. I keep feeling its really getting
somewhere. A chapbook at the least and a
publishable one too! I want it. This semester is
just wearing
//
Where only a portion of the whole survives. Then,
I could make the other parts appear elsewhere?
Maybe it’s too on the nose but I’ve been thinking
about the fragmented texts of the Anglo-Saxons
(and probs other traditions) in association
with incomplete narratives
//
raging satin page paginate vagina labia vulva
intestinal contested protest regress transgress
shake Shakespeare a knight made of feathers
stuffed w/ feathers feathers on the doorstep
rich lumber in heaps full pools of yellow
beer getting warm in the kitchen
the glow of the microwave the suran wrap
melting on the still-cold lasagna, the color
of waiting. Not even a color. Page page again
wait know confound botch rip slap chirp
girder serve elastic teeth cold
//
I’m so glad I’m not that way. Maybe I
am and don’t know it until it happens?
Maybe thinking about
Phebe’s ex reminds me
of that, that’s why it
makes me so disgusted
and maybe it’s good
that I’m disgusted
//
to do. But you live and learn. I
want to love again and make it right, or do it
effectively, the way that makes us both feel whole or
more whole/full than empty. I will get an A in
grant writing. I will succeed. I know I’ll get an
extension and be able to make the internship
//
I want to
make love to her real bad she drives me crazy.
She’s sensual, and erotic, and really
It was a terrible, immature thing
//
Intelligent ran runaways kept barking on. A submission
hold putting entire cities into head
-shirt void a void you can buy a void that becomes
armor, a subculture, an agreed upon set of
values intelligent lights through a crispy gauze
of hair swollen blue halo widening behind them
like a wedding band. Overblown evening leather
charms hanging on the door handle, on the bedpost.
Literally thieves war paint corpse paint
a mouth like a root system spreading, fragmenting
branching diverging at both ends a worry
squirrely ratchet odor smolder controller
recover withdraw sheath hearth bust bent
bruised lashed fixate lack lax creation Bonneville
cruiser a loose ruining
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