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Shane Chergosky: Headwind

September 16, 2022 by PBQ Leave a Comment

? When I think about the story she told me

about that I don’t even wanna hurt the guy. I don’t

know if I could meet that person and act normal.

I remember I did that when I was about 20,21.

I didn’t go into CVS with Xunaxi to

What a bastard I was . And

 

 

 

//

 

 

ith what courses I take.Luckily I can only take two (!!!). Maybe a lit course

and…an elective? It’d be SO cool to do screen-

writing. Finally would have a chance to write that

SciFi…I ordered “The Art of Syntax” after Phebe

brought it over. I honestly get so self-conscious talking

with her about sentence-level stuff. She’s so smart and

her recall is so good (regardless of what she says re: her

 

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

I want to sleep in a crappy hotel and make

jokes hold her after we kill a pint of ice cream.

something feels right about her, about the way I feel

 

around her. I want her attention. I want her to

pay attention to me. She does! but I don’t know it’s

different when you’re with what I have a

hard time with imagining her with her ex, though they’re

 

 

 

//

 

 

I feel like fragments could be a part of

my work/thesis. It’d be cool to take a finished

poem of mine, print copies, and do some Christian

Hawkey-type process with it/them. The 19th and 20th

days had that feel to them because I tore a bit

from the top of the page, forcing me to write around

the tear. Now, if I had a finished poem, and shot

it with a gun, or let an animal chew on I, or

let a human chew on it even, the parts that survive

 

 

 

//arrative time no time

 

 

feeling of the trout throat closing odd breathing

but accepting that I have limits I deserve to feel

OK, to take a break I’m OK I’m doing everything

 

 

 

//

 

 

I’m afraid of telling her how strong my feelings are

I think it wise to simply show her and not ask about

sex for a few more months.

She said we’re dating and that makes me feel

secure.

 

 

 

//

 

 

Canal

a cane smoothed

orchard

backlogged

beggar

concrete

daisy a                   conquest

 

 

//

 

 

 

not together I guess I’m having a hard time NOT

imagining them together. How could he treat her

that way? I mean no relationship is a cakewalk

but like how could someone tell a woman they’ve

been with for over a year that they’d rather

keep driving and make it (home?) on time than

stop for a tampon, to let the woman you supposedly

love (did he even tell her?) that you’d rather her sit

in her own blood, in discomfort and shame than

do everything in your power to relieve her? to actually

act? to perform an act of humanity? of care?

concern

 

 

//

 

 

subcultural history. I feel like (and I’m probs

stating the obvious) thagt the niches of already niche

are erased by the dominant cultural narrative/

 

the narrative(s) that are hoisted up by capitalist/

supremacist ideals and/or organizations. I can’t

write organization without thinking about grant writing

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

I can, I’m doing a lot. Teaching is a lot. I’m

going to apply for the fellowship. It’s not that I

don’t want to teach, I just want time to

focus on my work. I keep feeling its really getting

somewhere. A chapbook at the least and a

publishable one too! I want it. This semester is

just wearing

//

 

 

 

Where only a portion of the whole survives. Then,

I could make the other parts appear elsewhere?

Maybe it’s too on the nose but I’ve been thinking

about the fragmented texts of the Anglo-Saxons

(and probs other traditions) in association

with incomplete narratives

 

 

 

//

 

 

raging satin page paginate vagina labia vulva

intestinal contested protest regress transgress

shake Shakespeare a knight made of feathers

stuffed w/ feathers feathers on the doorstep

rich lumber in heaps full pools of yellow

beer getting warm in the kitchen

the glow of the microwave the suran wrap

melting on the still-cold lasagna, the color

of waiting. Not even a color. Page page again

wait know confound botch rip slap chirp

girder serve elastic teeth cold

 

 

//

 

 

I’m so glad I’m not that way. Maybe I

am and don’t know it until it happens?

Maybe thinking about

Phebe’s ex reminds me

of that, that’s why it

makes me so disgusted

and maybe it’s good

that I’m disgusted

 

//

 

 

 

to do. But you live and learn. I

want to love again and make it right, or do it

effectively, the way that makes us both feel whole or

more whole/full than empty. I will get an A in

grant writing. I will succeed. I know I’ll get an

extension and be able to make the internship

 

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

I want to

make love to her real bad she d r ive s me crazy.

She’s sensual , and erotic, and really

 

 

It was a terrible, immature thing

//

 

 

 

Intelligent ran runaways kept barking on. A sub miss ion

hold putting entire cities into head

-shirt void a void you can buy a void that becomes

armor, a subculture, an agreed upon set of

val u es in t elligent lights through a crispy gauze

of hair swollen blue halo widening behind them

like a wedding band. Overblown evening leather

charms hanging on the door handle, on the bedpost.

Literally                      thieves war paint corpse paint

a mouth like a root system      spreading, fragmenting

branching diverging at both ends a worry

squirrely ratchet odor smolder controller

recover withdraw sheath hearth bust bent

bruised lashed fixate lack lax creation Bonneville

cruiser a loose ruining

 

Filed Under: Issue 103, Poetry, Poetry 103 Tagged With: Shane Chergosky

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