There’s a man at the mall in a shoe store and he’s naked except for the shoes he’s trying on and looking at in that shoe mirror. “Do these shoes make me look fat?” he says to the clerk, who’s kneeling there on the floor lacing up another pair.
A woman walks in and she’s naked except for a great big hat. “I bought a hat,” she says to the naked man. “It looks nice,” he says, and asks, “Do these shoes make me look fat?” “They look fine,” says the naked woman. “All right, I’ll take them,” says the naked man to the clerk.
How he paid for them or how the naked woman bought the hat I don’t know because they were naked, without pockets or purses or anything, but I do know this: There was a naked man and a naked woman at the mall, and she bought a hat and he bought some shoes.
Walk into a fire department and ask them, you just ask them, for a glass of water. They give you a glass of water and you drink it.
Now walk over to that travel agency on the corner there. Ask them if they sell cigarettes. “Do you sell cigarettes?” The woman behind the desk says to try the 7-Eleven up the street.
And now go into that discount furniture store over by the Whataburger. Ask the guy, “What kind of beer do you have?” and he says, “Get the hell out of here right now!”
It’s harder and harder to get any kind of help these days, you know what I mean?
Go to the eye doctor and tell him all about the movie Capricorn One. Call up the operator and ask about the world situation. See if pretty soon you’re not a raving lunatic.
Get on the bus, say to the driver, “I curse you!” Move into a new apartment and sleep on the floor, no furniture. Give your money to a guy who looks like he’s doing fine, a total stranger, tell him, “Either get new shoes or out you go!”
And now how you doing? By the look of things, not so hot. Yeah, well, I’m sorry. Things are tough all over, sport.
There’s a doctor’s office with four women seated on the couch reading magazines. The doctor comes out wearing a stethoscope and one of those mirror things on his head. He’s holding a clipboard.
Just then an orderly enters carrying a bucket filled with milky fluid. “Here’s the semen samples you wanted, doctor!” says the orderly. “Oh, good! I’ve been looking for those!” says the doctor.
Just then the orderly stumbles and slops the bucket all over the women on the couch. The women grow visibly pregnant and a steady stream of naked screaming children run from between their legs. “You knucklehead!” yells the doctor, whapping the orderly with the clipboard and the music goes wah-wah-wahhh.