Marc Tretin: My Id’s Pop Quiz on Axiomatic Economics
1. If transparent accounting principles are premised on the fact that
symbolism will always exist, despite the lack of dream censorship,
then it is most logical that:
a) currency flows like electrons.
b) if two twenty dollar bills face each other, each President Jackson will
French kiss the other.
c) credit default swaps are useless against sovereign defaults.
d) chaos theory is a tangled skein of yarn toyed with by an adorable kitten.
2. If a transistor and diode salad, made from a lost cell phone, is ringing,
a) there is too much bleu cheese dressing.
b) your daughter’s boyfriend broke up with her.
c) all roaming charges get lost in Brooklyn.
d) the correct question should be, “If you wore a body mitten, what would
you put in the thumb.”
3. Bounced check is to tit as tit is to:
a) the feeling of falling.
b) an envelope without a return address.
d) that poem that is always on the tip of your tongue that will never be
4. A hospital puts the cancerous parts of a patients kidney into a white
Chinese take-out carton because:
a) everyone loves that little metal handle.
b) whatever was taken out is take-out.
c) there is a hefty fine for failing to recycle.
d) it is still his kidney.
5. In a painting, a woman’s right hand is cut off by the frame. The reason
her hand will not be restored is:
a) it is the invisible hand of the market.
b) canvas is too costly.
c) a frame always cuts off what never can be restored.
d) an international consensus must limit all bank’s proprietary trading.
6. The world’s banks:
a) are on every floor of a roofless building.
b) are constantly designed and redesigned by Babel’s last grammarian.
c) contain mobile made by data set in Braille.
d) are tapioca.
7. Weak dollars are plucked chickens because:
a) the empty body cavity, between the two raised legs, evokes thoughts of
having sex with the Goddess of Death.
b) the self reproducing aspects of money has many occult elements.
c) if a poor man buys a chicken, one of them is sick.
d) dollars are cheap and so is chicken.
8. Biological activity is a subset of:
b) the economic theory of why prices go up quickly and down slowly.
d) the viscous cycle of thought creating bodies and bodies creating thought
that exists in societies lacking the proper social lubricants.
9. Pop top caskets, even without effervescence:
a) are priced according to the rise and fall of real estate prices in Queens.
b) can still be fizzy and tickle the nose.
c) have a level of sodium benzoate that functions as well as formaldehyde.
d) allow you to choose your favorite color and flavor in your will.
10. Tourist are allowed to feed the grizzly bears because:
a) the Park Service can sell the abandoned cars in the parking lot.
b) the free market and “Nature red in tooth and claw” are one and the same.
c) America is a formerly middle class country.
d) lollipops are bad for your teeth.
11. If infinity is divided by zero and reducing taxes increases governmental
a) blood and bad meat explain the art of butchering.
b) a snake sucking his own tail can turn himself inside out
c) all currency can be priced in snow crabs.
d) enough submarines can reduce the surplus of underwater houses.
12. If it is inflationary for birds to fly too high, then:
a) bankers will clip the wings of ostriches.
b) a structural economic approach will eliminate telephone poles.
c) money will have pictures of nightingales.
d) kites made of currency will be less confident than kites made of paper.
13. If a river sacrifices worker-flowers whose roots secure its banks, then:
a) the branches of drowned trees will snag the petals of fallen blossoms.
b) all the river’s authority will be delegated to the nearest lake.
c) day to day operations between retail and commercial banks ill minimize
the costs of full customer service.
d) the business cycle will adopt to its environment by becoming the business
unicycle, bicycle or tricycle depending on the depth of the water.
14. A white sheet covers a man’s body as he talks to the woman he loves.
Her misunderstanding of him is best revealed by her saying to him:
a) “I don’t need the car, but I want the summer house.”
B)”I really like flicking back and forth, this little tag on your toe.”
c) “That white sheet covering you, really scares me.”
d) In the time of your great awakening, your name will be spelled in flames
and sight will be the unit of exchange.”
15 A drunken banker is clutching a toilet bowl. He is:
a) reciting, “We all put some in. We all take some out.”
b) thinking, “If love is pronounced by our skin and nakedness by our
tongue, still we must keep both hands on our wallet.”
c) wondering, “Where is my hat.”
d) glad that the regulation of systemically important financial institutions is
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