David Trinidad: from Peyton Place:

  A Haiku Soap Opera, Season One, 1964-1965

66

Mia can’t forgive
Dorothy’s deception.  I still
can’t forgive her hair.

67

More surprising than
her secret marriage is Claire
Morton’s childhood doll.

68

In his hospital
room, Elliot clasps Connie’s
unmoisturized hand.

69

The new priest prefers
Chopin, knows how to arrange
gladioli.  Gay?

70

I wouldn’t have missed
Connie’s wedding or Norman’s
outburst for the world.

71

When was the last time
you heard Proust referred to in
a soap opera?

72

“I’m still a growing
boy,” Norman says, and his snug
corduroys prove it.

73

Connie mopes around
her Boston honeymoon suite.
Twin beds—I’d mope too.

74

For all the drama,
including a lost deaf girl,
really rather dull.

75

Allison’s front-door
kiss is sweet.  Still, keep your eyes
on her roving nose.

76

Dark night: Norman broods.
Rodney tries to counsel him,
basket center-frame.

78

Allison trapped in
baby-sitting hell.  Just smack
that bratty deaf girl!

79

Ada Jacks’ costume
necklace—flashy.  Connie’s new
sweep of hair—flash flood.

80

Passing orderly
could be Ashbery.  Did John
ever do walk-ons?

81

I’ve been misspelling
“MacKenzie.”  Per Constance’s
shop window, small “k.”

82

Miss Choate, that vicious
nagging witch of a nurse, won’t
get off Betty’s back.

84

I can’t help but trust
a doctor who thoroughly
enjoys a good smoke.

85

Why should Elliot
envy the handsome, deep-voiced,
tall, hunky salesman?

86

Really, this deaf girl
needs a walloping.  She’s spoiled
as Helen Keller.

87

Joe Chernak is our
new thug.  But that’s OK.  He’s
also our new stud.

88

Rita harassed by
Joe.  Lightning illuminates
her white overbite.

89

It’s already the
preview?  What the hell happened
in this episode?

90

Everyone’s slapping
and slugging each other.  Then:
Boston bus cracks up.

91

Elliot gives blood
for crash victims.  The Schusters
give each other slaps.

92

No hint of Leslie
Nielsen’s comic genius in
this stiff performance.

94

Handing out caps and
gowns: future Oscar winner
Richard Dreyfuss, ham.

95

After Joe molests
Rita, she runs home to dress.
Prom night is prom night.

96

Lower right corner:
Romance Classics’ heart covers
Rita’s tear-streaked face.

97

Prom music’s getting
on Nielsen’s nerves; his stilted
dialogue, on mine.

98

I’m not a breast man,
so Doris’ nipples are
of little interest.

99

The second Leslie
Nielsen (city slicker twin)
is worse than the first.

100

At least the hundredth
episode rates a few new
exterior shots.

101

Cute bit: phone wakes Rod
at 5:00 a.m. and he tries
to answer his shoe.

102

Ada’s got Connie
beat when it comes to thick, black
supersized lashes.

103

Lunch box Allison
gives Rod—if I can find it
on eBay, I’ll bid.

104

First glimpse of Lee Grant,
fresh from being blacklisted,
in shiny black wig.

105

Hand on newspaper,
Norman clearly gives Rodney
his middle finger.

107

Piroshki are small
Russian pastries filled with chopped
meat or vegetables.

108

How to fake clambake:
rear project ocean, wiggle
a rubber lobster.

110

Talk about buildup.
Is this Schuster bash ever
going to happen?

112

Great sound effects when
Rod and Joe fight are wasted
on deaf witness Kim.

113

Spoiler alert: Joe
drops dead.  So will Doris’
party, if word spreads.

114

This is the way the
season ends, not with a bang
but a ringing phone.

This is the continuing story of Peyton Place . . .


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